Monday 21 October 2019

The Order of Things

I've been doing my best to put things in order. My head my home. My life and actually just finish some long-overdue projects. Long Long overdue and then as the creative person I am I just add ever more to my to-do list. Never ready to stagnate always wanting more. Always about the deeper desire. Isn't that what the new year is all about. Those revolutions around the sun. 

As I write this I am on the brink of goal setting. What if I set personal inner goals for birthdays and exterior goals for new years. Working in inner and collective consciousness deliberately. I want to put my face in my hands. My internal voice cries out 'Stop' and I wonder really do I enjoy making things more complicated than they are? Or is this just an excuse to go diary shopping in October and start writing ever more lists when I haven't even started my gratitude list. I'm grateful for waking up writing in this digital journal! I don't keep a physical one anymore. It's too much baggage. I'm refining the system one good decision at a time. Doing my best to stay focused. 

You for me it is all about experimentation and refinement and just like that, I realise that I haven't used my physical gratitude diary from last year and that due to an ensuing adventure I might have to through it out. Even more, inspiration to stay on focused, less waste. Yes, that. It always comes back to Dharma. Endless, persistent and relentless Dharma. Have you got there yet? I'm still catching up. On that thought, it's enough to make me binge finish my gratitude diary and immediately return to the first on the list of projects I haven't finished. When I think about what it is that I have to to do right now today. I need to use the car. I need to take my new healing potion I need to write down my gratitude and probably do some violet flame decrees brush my teeth, wash my face and come to a decision about lush in my skincare routine. You see there is so much to do crack and refine. Is it any wonder that we need actions plans to live our lives. Have we really got to prioritise zero waste experimentation? How does that fit in with everything else and just like that the journaling that was supposed to bring clarity has left me confused? In a panic and ready to hit the to-do list with hopefully just the right amount of motivational anxiety. What can I get completed today? Like right now... I need to start making plans. Then all of a sudden I don't have time for this my consciousness has drifted from the expressive into the panicked the to-do list is running I have to get on and I am being pushed out of my own agenda. Does anybody else feel this way? I know they must.

Aries Full Moon and the Admittance of Rage

It's the start of a new working year for me as I start my own personal journey back around the sun. Just for me. This birthday it struck me for the first time that I was far more interested in the future than I was in what had past. I woke up joyful. The day unfolded as it should. A friend came round and cooked me breakfast while the birthday blessings poured in. My plans for the day started to unfold without me having to do much at all. 

I went from breakfast to beach to beauty and the to the bar what all these b's had in common I wasn't quite sure. My weekend had become action-packed without even planning it. 

I went from a Violet Flame Workshop to a braai to home then to the Greenpeace boat to and Redemption Talk to the Hare Krishna Temple, then to meet a friend to eat the most delicious mussels I may have ever tasted. 

There was love, light and blessing everywhere I turned and yet the thing I was most grateful for was the conversation around anger, rage, breaking points. The Aries full moon had been doing its work with outburst and boundaries. It wasn't just me it seemed to be a collective thing. That is why it is so important, to be honest. We can elevate the darkness in all of us if we just bring it out into the light. That we can share our challenges, tell out stories and get a deeper insight into us our humaness.

 I realised I had been learning a lot. That actually sometimes I feel violated. That I want to be heard and respected. Then I felt so super grateful for my friend teaching me the word 'stop'. Obviously, I had heard the word before.  Yet I had never thought to use it to defend myself verbally. Stop!!! Please respect my boundary. How very simple. How very effective. What a great way to educate about consent.

Tuesday 15 October 2019

Synchro Destiny

I started the Deepak Chopra Creating Abundance 21 Day Challenge on the 1st of October. I'm only 15 days in and the result have been extraordinary. I'm manifesting faster than I can keep up and my Social Media and Instagram feed are suffering as my real-time existence seems to be speeding up faster than my fat fingers can type. I've known for a very long time that abundance is real. 

That the way that we frame our lives with money is a very far cry from the true abundance that we all have to share. Personally what I have loved about these abundance meditations is that they act as a reminder to the illusions that we have about wealth, abundance and productivity. Today the term synchro destiny was introduced and it blew my mind. Another step beyond flow. That the everything really is working out for me and everything is also in perfect divine order. I feel this more and more as move further and further towards myself again. It's been a hard couple of years and at times I have felt fragmented and scattered as I work deeper and deeper into purpose. That it more an act of surrender than will these meditations have helped me claim that on a much deeper level than I expected or hoped for. 

So much so that two weeks ago on Monday I was invited on a course (not another course) Yes another course by a friend who I hadn't been in touch with for quite some time. She took on a new project and thought I might be interested. To be honest I was in a strange place and had been in a bad place when she messages me. I decided to take it as a divine intervention and followed the breadcrumbs. What happened next was wild. I discover an organisation called A 2 B Transformation
that had developed a brain assessment tool called  Hardwires that was able to identify 16 hardwires that are prevalent in the brain and measure their prevalence along with how well right and left hemispheres are integrated. Personally, for me it's revolutionary and I'm excited to see what happens with the system as the business grows. What I found most enlighting about the assessment was that it identified the traits that needed the most work in my healing journey. I think this might just change everything within personal healing practices.

 More than this these meditations seem to be making the round on WhatsApp group around South Africa, which makes me super excited. Consciousness is contagious and so many of us lack access to the resources we need in order to have the life that we want. Yet even here in Africa, access to WhatsApp is revolutionising how people communicate across the continent. How we use our mobile phones. Of course, it's not just South Africa it's the whole world and now that technology is making and impact in what were once untouchable places. The roll-out of this abundance meditation transforming poverty-stricken communities everywhere? 

Only the other week I was saying how great it would be if home schooling was accessible on mobile phones. That we can teach all children literacy and numeracy. Wouldn't that be incredible? So I'm just going to put it out there that transformation is real. That and abundance meditation causes radical and manifesting.

Monday 7 October 2019

Rest

I'm tired. My mind is processing and I want to work. Yet my body my heart my mind is saying stop, process, rest, drink some water and still I'm resistant. When I read my words back I see I really must drink some water now. I drink the water and I see that I have things to do, tasks to complete. Things to return. It's wild. I feel like a cigarette and then I stop myself. Wellness is a process. Rest is necessary and then I think about the sacks that I've been unable to return to their owner for a year and a half. The impulse strikes and I know that is what I must do. Complete that task. Tick it off get it down create the volition. Right after I've finished this. Then I realised that I am finished. I write for my own clarity and now I've resolved to return the sack today and it's time to fulfil the mission. 

Saturday 5 October 2019

The Heart Space

So yes the ego went crazy for a bit and this blog is brought to you by a scheduling bot. Forget the humanity behind putting pen to paper and know that even in a word of instant access when I'm reading this right here. Right now I'm somewhere else doing something else, thinking a different thought. You see the authenticity trap is really especially when it comes to the consistently inconsistent. Doe instant access media even begin to capture that moment when you suddenly have to stop what you're doing and post something. or the horror of when you have to get up and literally capture your life. Are we slaves. I often wonder and then I consider the other options. Like having to be anybody other than myself. What The Actual Fuck. We might even consider that modern torture. Then taking the picks and the #blessed becomes all too clear and option. Fuck the system. Have we fallen into another system? You do know AI is real? 

Then your brain implodes a wee bit and the ear wax seems to have got a bot goes and you wonder how much these aha moments actually impact on your neuroplasticity as you try to figure out where scheduling your posts leave on the 1 to 10 scale of authenticity cause you know I'm sure someone out there is judging me. 

Then I think of the Vegan activists. I'm judging them. Then I think of Extinction Rebellion. I'm condemning them. I'd really rather you didn't get all up in my face about our impending doom. Buttercups and unicorn shit anyone. Ewww it's got biodegradable glitter...

And I veer off-topic. 

I started with the idea of The Heart Space. I know you can see it now all flower crowns, crystals and green jumpers. If I listened to my heart and zoned in on my heart chakra I might have nothing to write. though it sure does feel good to be there. All enlightenment, abundance and bliss. Let's face it though most of us are all up in our head about it. Something, everything, whatever that is. It's part of the reason that we are able to write so much. Should we be considering a frequency more? Do you want me to slow down? Stop drinking coffee? Just breath. That is for just after the article. The long breath into the next thought that seeps into my brain out of either. Am I channelling are being from other realms communicating with me. Is the unicorn I imagine cuddling real? All questions for another post. So the heart chakra, think of your dog, think of your favourite cuddly toy or even cuddly person. Put your heart on to your chest and dare to feel. Then imagine the flower crown and a field of wildflowers and the low golden light of a late summer day. Then you are in the heart space. 

Friday 4 October 2019

Medium Fear

I've been consuming Medium over a number of years and it was only over the last few months that I decided that I might be brave enough to give it a go. Like many creative people. I have a whole host of swirling ideas that flow round my head. Which inspired the name of this blog that I have been keeping at random over the decade or so Spiralbound Notebooks. I've probably got tens of them hoarded away in 3D reality that has yet to be fully transposed into something fully tangible. I have dreams of wading through them someday, ticking off the ideas and ripping the pages out. Watching them decrease in volume as I have actualised my thought into reality. Of course, some ideas are far too cumbersome to ever get fully finished or even taken off the ground. What I like o think about those is that they have been uploaded into collective consciousness for somebody in want of an idea to download. Yup, that's what I do a lot of the time. Mainly now though I have to accept and do my best to accept my discipleship of writing it's only taken me 30 odd years to get here and I'm still not convinced. Consistently inconsistent is what I have often been told. Yet at the same time in content-driven media where consistency is key, it seems like another great way to tell the system to fuck off. After all, we are all unique divine creative beings all just searching for our right to exist and then beyond this thrive.

The thing is our emotions get in the way or should I say my emotions get in the way. I am terrified of being really seen that something might get attention and now after hovering under the radar for more than a decade I think I might be ready. 

The thing is it isn't an easy process being you. It isn't an easy process finding your voice or your purpose or even yourself. That so few of us understand that it is a process. That one article doesn't define us. One outfit does not capture our soul. One selfie may not have the power to ruin us. So much has changed in the realms of digital connecting over the last decade it's hard to look at life in review. When I first started this blog, blog spot used to post direct to Facebook in notes. Even today I think about the loss of the facility and how it may or may not have impacted my blogging 'career'. The thing is I'm a technophobe there are a whole host of reason and triggers points to explain why that is the case. That I am not going to explain here or now. They are quite simply just there and as delve into the mild terror of actually utilising medium in a constructive way I have to sit and consider my fear once again. I write enough that I should be generating money. I write well enough (according to Grammarly) that I'm consistently in the top 90% of all it' other users. Yet the story that runs in my head is that I don't have the knowledge the expertise and sometimes even the right to express my views. Especially as a white European woman living in South Africa. What has all that got to do with this global digital space, not a lot I suspect? And yet at the same time fear. Then once again the big ideas are out of control and I haven't managed all the other stuff that I was meant to. I'm going to that course tomorrow and I still haven't cleared out the computer and backed it up. I may just have figured out a plan to sort out my British bank account so that I can actually sign up here. Life seems to be taking me in a new direction adn it seems exciting and easy. Yet at the smae time I have to consider am I ever going to get there...

Thursday 3 October 2019

Get Into The Vortex

What a difference a day makes... Monday I was sitting alone destroyed on the couch. Crying over what can only be described as spilt milk. When I got a message from a friend that I hadn't seen for over  a year. I was invited to take part in a Leadership Course and on my friend hearing my anguish she did what all good friends do and made the decisions for me. You are coming. 
 
All of a sudden my fortunes changed and the things I had spinning round my head trying to sort out leapt into alignment and it was clear the universe had started talking. That I must get ready to be ready and tally-ho and off you go.  The next day another friend sends me an Abundance Meditation. I sell the camera I've been holding onto for way too long and purely by accident find another associate in need of the second camera that I had been looking to get rid of too. So there it is out of the tailspin and straight into abundance and gratitude. You see the universe always has your back even though it might not seem like.  

You just have to be open to receive the messages that it's sending out to you.