The Order of Things

I've been doing my best to put things in order. My head my home. My life and actually just finish some long-overdue projects. Long Long overdue and then as the creative person I am I just add ever more to my to-do list. Never ready to stagnate always wanting more. Always about the deeper desire. Isn't that what the new year is all about. Those revolutions around the sun. 

As I write this I am on the brink of goal setting. What if I set personal inner goals for birthdays and exterior goals for new years. Working in inner and collective consciousness deliberately. I want to put my face in my hands. My internal voice cries out 'Stop' and I wonder really do I enjoy making things more complicated than they are? Or is this just an excuse to go diary shopping in October and start writing ever more lists when I haven't even started my gratitude list. I'm grateful for waking up writing in this digital journal! I don't keep a physical one anymore. It's too much baggage. I'm refining the system one good decision at a time. Doing my best to stay focused. 

You for me it is all about experimentation and refinement and just like that, I realise that I haven't used my physical gratitude diary from last year and that due to an ensuing adventure I might have to through it out. Even more, inspiration to stay on focused, less waste. Yes, that. It always comes back to Dharma. Endless, persistent and relentless Dharma. Have you got there yet? I'm still catching up. On that thought, it's enough to make me binge finish my gratitude diary and immediately return to the first on the list of projects I haven't finished. When I think about what it is that I have to to do right now today. I need to use the car. I need to take my new healing potion I need to write down my gratitude and probably do some violet flame decrees brush my teeth, wash my face and come to a decision about lush in my skincare routine. You see there is so much to do crack and refine. Is it any wonder that we need actions plans to live our lives. Have we really got to prioritise zero waste experimentation? How does that fit in with everything else and just like that the journaling that was supposed to bring clarity has left me confused? In a panic and ready to hit the to-do list with hopefully just the right amount of motivational anxiety. What can I get completed today? Like right now... I need to start making plans. Then all of a sudden I don't have time for this my consciousness has drifted from the expressive into the panicked the to-do list is running I have to get on and I am being pushed out of my own agenda. Does anybody else feel this way? I know they must.