Ok so what I am about to say has absolutely no scientific basis other than my own musings. I've been writing a lot about trauma as I'm working through my own and trying to understand it. What my big break through has been today in that I have realised a connection between two things. This is way out there and I might be kidding myself, so I thank you for your patience. This is also solving a massive mystery that has dogged my life for a lot of years, cause, well, I couldn't solve it. Now I can. I once had an incredibly damaging almost romantic encounter with guy. Who will remain nameless. The thing was I was living through an incredibly traumatic and challenging situation and was not looking for a romantic relationship. I'm almost sure that because of this this, this guy was going out of his way to get my attention. I really rather like him but was incredibly resistant to take it any further. I was incredibly vulnerable at the time and was working with this guy within a professional framework. The truth of the matter is he manged to get me interested and promptly dropped me like a rock. To say that it fucked me up was an understatement. It was kind of like watching a disturbing rerun of previous events in slow mo. Like doh; how did I fall for this? I really thought I had done my due diligence. Anyways then for months, in fact years I couldn't get this person out of my head. Combined with the fact that he seemed to be astral plane stalking me. It was mental beyond explicable. It sounded so nuts when I rarely tried to explain it out loud.
So now having been retraumatised I'm beginning to see that there is a correlation. It wasn't that I was into him it was that I was traumatised by the experience. What the fuck. I mean what the actual fuck. You think your infatuated and you are actually just traumatised.... True story.
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