Retrospective Idea - Maybe not

So yeah you remember what I just wrote, yeah like, just wrote: the other day, maybe even yesterday? I've change my mind it's a bit dumb. I don't know why I think that now? I just think that it kind of interrupts the flow of things? Am I wrong? I just published the first secret draft retrospective blog post: September Revisted, that I hadn't finished and it was all about a week about ten years ago when I fell off my bike twice and probably should have been named Accidents With Bicycles. Fuck it was brutal and even now I'm not sure what the spiritual message in that one was. The thing is I only wrote about the first "bicycle accident and not the second one, so then it felt wrong to publish it without actually adding the crucial peace of information. So I added it hmmmm Maybe I can write edited/amended/updated/completed any clues? on....Wednesday 20th June 2018

Also there was a lot more to that period, than I managed to notate and now can't remember because ten years have past.  In fact that might have been one of the most trying periods in my existence. It was like being bulled backwards very slowly by a rhino in liquified shit, trying to get somewhere and watching is slowly torturously slip out of reach. "Is a dream a lie if it don't come true or is it something worse?" - Bruce Springsteen, The River

I did meet the most amazing person in that time. Del. I can't say fully what happened though, there was Dom and there was Mole and then there was the sanded fiberglass dust inside the boat. It was all a bit to much, it was fog. I disappeared into fog. I wasn't really going to talk about Del and well to explore who Del is is another story in and of itself. It was an accidental meeting and I can't remember if I was having a panic attack or just breakingdown. I do know there were tears on my face. I do know there was a crowd of very concerned people and I do know I felt a huge amount of love. You know Ponsharden boatyard I think it was where I met my first real humans. The humans that weren't afraid to feel to have compassion, to face there pain, to recognise their pain in other people and run towards them and not away. So I was breaking down melting away and I think somewhere between who I was raised to as and what I wanted as a "normal person" just slipped away.  "Half way through the middle of my life the way was wholly lost". In the process of losing that vision I met Del sitting on the edge of the quay with everyone fussing over me as deeply kind humans. Del appeared, and someone wanted to make me a cup of tea. Now bearing in mind that this was an alternative community, tea is some what something of a thing. There are a lot of options, normal tea, rooibos, dandelion, and it was great cause this strange kind person loved me so much that they wanted to get me exactly the kind of tea I needed. The only problem was that I had descended into this kind of catatonic state. Where I couldn't really speak, much less make a decision, yup it was that bad. And Del just kindly told the beautiful kind stranger that "She doesn't know what kind of tea she wants. Just make her a cup of tea." He promptly got down next to me on the edge of the quay. Started to hug me looked into my eyes and said "I've been where you are. I've been there". He reach into the fog of my abyss and he found me. 

Looking back on that now that was my first real experience of a light worker, or maybe even light walker, as Del himself would never profess to being much of a healer. A lover, a lightwalker maybe? Since then I have been so incredibly fortunate to see people in that place and I know how to reach out for them in the darkness. It's not really something you can ever get paid to do. It's like watching someone have there leg accidentally cut off then deciding whether or not to help them...I can fit you in next Tuesday...I don't fucking think so....If you ever been there....you'll know your soul (if we believe that we have such things) is in mortal danger, many of us never return.

You know trying to get the boat sorted. It's the first time I've every experience people not wanting to do things for money. Like not gifting it to you. Like literally offering people money to something and them being like yeah well it's not really my thing. For fuck sake, that was a bit mental. Now I am that person too. What an amazing learning curve living on a boat was. I really highly recommend it to anyone, If you want to get deep earth connection fast it's really going to get you, well, the opposite of grounded, floated. Wait there a minute that's a kind of incredible concept on a planet made of water. Most of us have never been truly floated. We literally take the ground for granted. Hmmm lots to think about there. 

So yes retrospective - Happy Soltice by the way....