Tensions Rising

Hmmmm well another day another blog post and I am fighting off larger procrastination with a blog post. All of a sudden there is an ardent desire to get things sorted. Lay life flat on the ground, get back to day zero and stop the incessant buzzing in my head. To many ideas to many words to much of the to do list whizzing round on the big projects and I think back to Dom Allen and his punk list for getting things done. Which largely just said if you haven't done anything about it for over a week it isn't important. 

Yet here I stand with a lot of projects some of them very near completion. I suppose it's true the last ten yards of a race are the hardest. In the spirit of self-nurturance. I'm loving myself through it stating my case impressed that I have made it as far as I have and yet Wonder why it is that I divert my energies at the final hurdle. It's and interesting thing to consider. Finding Dharma it's my theme. It's my thing. Recently I've begun to think about things a lot differently. Rolling over the decision that I have made about my life and to be honest what has made it quite so remarkable. And it is. I think my life is fascinating and I wonder what it is that has lead me on such an extreme route to my dharma. Also I wonder what it is that had lead me to want to create and inform on such an intense level and why it has taken me so many years to realise what that works load is. 

Now more then ever I am fascinated by the 'average' person and I wonder what it is that inspires them to hold down a daily routine and a resulting life long career. It's incredible. I think about the people I went to school, college and university with and I imagine where they are now. I have always liked the idea of plodding. I've always liked the idea of stability. I wonder why all the thoughts in my head?

I was never happy with tow weeks holidays. I always wanted wilder adventure. An adventurous life. That fitted well outside the realms of normal. What can I say - I got one. It leads me to think back to a conversation that took place over 10 years ago. Kimberley - Of course you are and artist. 

I studied The History of Modern Art and Design. I hated it. The institution that stamped my degree I consider to be not much more than capitalist scum. Hmm - There's some personal development work for you. What I am grateful for though. Is that in some way I found my tribe. It's a hard thing to explain to outsiders looking in. We think that creating art is all about paint brushes and marble. Wielding bit of clay or even telling a story. It is so much more than that. So much more than the finished piece on a exhibit wall. It really is toil. It's life being forced to examine itself in human form. It's secret missions, inner demons and calling that do go away. It's like a letter from Hogwarts that you can't run away from. Artist don't fit in. They refuse the calling of their nature is far stronger than the constriction of humanity. We make because we are compelled to do so. It is beyond us to stop. Broke, bankrupt and broken we carry on, we have no other choice. It's such a privilege. Artists get to be themselves.