St Andrew's Day

A few nights ago I had the privilege of bumping into another Scot in Cape Town. I've only met two others, who haven't quite been on the same page as me. Oh well you can't have it all anyways it was  a bot of a laugh cause although we didn't orginate from the same area. We certainly had some shared geographical experiences. What a laugh! We agreed we should meet up for a drink sometime, then I realised today was St Andrew's Day. Well fuck I had to send the guy a message then. Then we both jovially exchanged that neither of us really celebrated it, or Burns. Is this a Scottish fail or merely the acceptance of working class roots; where all that bollocks doesn't really matter. Who knows?

Back On Nuclear War

Do we really think North Korea is going to bomb the USA? and is the guy that so publicly defected feeling ok after have had all his worms removed? These are just some of the thought that spin through my head as I get up. I let my phone in my room duh and  this was this first piece of information that I received. For a long and I mean most of my adult life I'd tried to avoid the main stream media. After all what impact does the nuclear holocaust of another country have here in the global south? My nuclear apocalypse imaginings from here in Cape Town are quite different from when I lived in Scotland. Cause after all Scotland is quite probably the first strike. It's quite bizarre though when ever I think of a nuclear strike hitting Scotland it came for the USA not from Russia. I wonder if that is the seer in me.

I used to have dream about the end of the world as a kid. Long standing an recurrent dreams that included everything that you might imagine of a kid born in the eighties. There were giants and World War II Spitfires dropping bombs and it was all going on right over the fence from the back garden. We were trapped between a nuclear navel base and a nuclear power station there wasn't much hope for a good outcome. Eventually the dream would end and we would get out of the care and start climbing the hills to the back of the village and as we turned into the Von Trapp family I would wake up.

Whenever there is talk about North Korea and nuclear it feels like there is a rupture in the force and then I laugh at myself as I remember we are now in an era of perpetual war. Syria is starving to death while under siege. The war in Afghanistan and Iraq has spread factionalism with all countries in the surrounding areas. The two party agreement has never been resolved for Palestine, while Gaza still acts as an open air prison. There is permanent rupture in the force. Though I would like to believe that I am  a highly intuitive person (when I 'm not poisoning myself with alcohol, sugar, nicotine and other substances) me saying that I feel a rupture in the force is bullshit. It's just me tapping into the pre-designed media fear that exists to create a perpetual war.

You can't really blame North Korea for being tetchy that the West might bomb the fuck out of them soon. Lets face it they may have some kind of resources that was don't even know about. Maybe they've got oil. Do doubt the International Space Station is doing a lot of hovering over that part of the world.

In other news, this is the old paradigm already I've dedicated 30 mins of my morning to figuring out how I feel about nuclear war. When I should be focusing on the connections that make us human. That as a species we can't exist without love and love should be the guiding principal that brings every single human on this plane into existence. I often talk about 9/11 which was a terrible day for humanity, with even more terrible repercussions. However the truth is that for the vast majority of us here on planet Earth it has no impact on our lives whatsoever unless of course you have happened to be someone who was directly affected or was in New York that day. What we remember are the T.V reruns or YouTube videos of the atrocity. The way that its is referenced (as I am now) to prove a point or create a bench mark in human history.The things is if you step outside your door the world is largely good. Most of our society works on basis of good faith and trust. We trust people to drive on the right side of the road. We trust the shopkeeper to give us back the correct change. We trust our neighbours not burn our house down. Humans are good. It's the corporations that we really have a problem with. They are ones creating products that knowing pollute the earth. If corporations stop pushing there profit based agenda and started thinking about humans, the larger environment and Earth we wouldn't have the threat of nuclear war and nor would we be a species on the brink of extinction.

Maintaining Motivation

Dave told me years ago the Noam Chomsky or it might have been Wayne Dyer that he spent years talking to empty rooms before anybody would give him the time of day. I can relate to that right now. It's keeping up the self-belief that is the issue. In the world of personal development we are supposed to keep it positive manifesting what we want at the blink of a hat. It it true and I do believe in mini-miracles and that if you put it out into the universe with love it almost certain to come back. Yet when I think on myself and the personal journey that I have gone through; I like to think that I am happy go luck then from time to time and far more often than I would like to admit a bought of rage hits me like a wall of incomprehensible bullshit that you can't really swim through. I marvel at people that can keep calm and maintain voice tone through out a whole interaction. The thing is that publicly, unless of course some on is an absolute cunt I usually manged to keep together. Even when I see someone dropped a used condom in the street (true story). Luckily I have a partner that is very evenly tempered who has the best voice tone in the world. Unless of course I'm trying to explain something that he point blank does not believe in. Which could be the weirdest combination of things you could ever imagine.Then it becomes like fake news and all of a sudden google is our mutual ally. Seriously how did couples resolve arguments before google?

So you believe in yourself you believe in what it is that you have to say. Then you have to acknowledge that you are not exactly the best advocate for the things your talking about because you are sitting in front of your computer addicted to your IPhone like everybody else. Do I really believe myself. I'm I conscious enough to be able to take on what it is to be conscious as a single human living on planet earth. 

I still have to write my list for the home manifesto. To write the agreements that hold a household together much like businesses. Our relationship agreement has fallen way by the wayside, a long time ago. The thing is as individual human's here on Earth it's nice to be optimistic then my critical mind very quickly tears things apart and I don't see the positive. 

Take this weekend for example I was a Streetopia and firstly I had a bad personal experience, that marred thing slightly. However even before that I became aware of any art work that was being created for the even. I don't even know how many gizzilion holographic ribbons (of presumed plastic) that were tied on there. In the end it was all I could see. Why would an environmentally aware organisation make an artwork out of new plastic. It was crazy. I didn't notice the people on the street the rainbow nation at play or the fact so many people were out on the street engaging with one another all I could see was this plastic art work.

Is it something about me. The way that I was raised that the problems always outweigh to positives. I beginning to believe so. So on my building my business journey I have to continue to believe that I am worthy and not allow my inner critic to rip apart my own dreams. However as I recently find out via on of Alanis Morissette's podcasts and her conversation with Dr Stan Tatkin that no feedback ultimately equates to feedback. So it may actual just be the human brain.